l i g h t o f e i l i a

26 October 2009 @ 09:10 am

Feels like the last time
This; discomfort within me
It should scream out by now, a warning
That fate was never blind
To our insecurities and shame
Behind our back, it stabs repeatedly
A curse of old that falls on lovers
You should have known better, you should have known better.

Feels like the first time
This; pleasure within me
It should scream out by now, a warning
That fate was never blind
To our false hopes and broken dreams
Behind our back, it continues to drive
Us together, a blessing that falls on lovers
I should have known better, I should have known better.

Dress for the occasion, let's see you back this out
The letter is engraved with my name on it
Feels like the first time, feels like the last time
That fate was ever blind
To our true feelings and closed lies
Behind our back, it pushes us apart
A fate that falls on lovers
We should have known better, we should have known better.

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22 August 2009 @ 10:19 pm

Fail

Failing to meet your requirements
And as such, withdraw quietly
Sometimes, I think, you might fly
Away from everyone else's reach
Arrogant and unassuming, your selfishness
Burns us all.

Confidence - unnecessary, otherwise
You would have been here, not there
And never mind your swollen heart
Nor your foolish mind; complete
With grand dreams of yesterday
That many a man have foreseen
It's that you aren't the one to do it
And so you cry, incapable of acceptance

Sometimes I wish you dead
Ah, but I picture my world of regret
And its bitter taste on my tongue
Should hurt less than your pain
Whereas my pain, to you --- deemed as nothing
Why am I your confidant?

Failing to meet your requirements
Tiring as this may be, I love you still
Yet sometimes, in your anger
Sometimes, I wish you would fly.

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02 May 2009 @ 12:29 am

dissonance

Can't paint a picture of yesterday
Hindsight bias, foolishness of today
Fool --- fool --- fool
You should not fail tomorrow
For I am confident in you

(despite the fact that
with all these discords in my brain
i still kinda wanna run away.)

'Tis a dream we meant to live
Without really wanting to
Forsaken; evolution with a price
Apes with guns and guns with lives

(sometimes, we need real harmony
despite losing the real melody
something tethered to existence.)

Creation, utterly pointless
Destruction - refer above
So, you know, the next time you decide
To save the world

(don't.

just... don't.)

here's where the line is drawn
uppercase letters are just for formality
university, bitches, university
throws you out into the open world

(there are dogs?
or something like that.)

bow to the economy that's dying so slowly
and by slow i really quite mean
by the speed of light
take to heart that you're losing your faith
and your job

so run those discords in your heart
and scream those songs out at a concert
and what you gotta do, what you gotta do
is to not make things anymore harsher for yourself

(just be)

And we're back to formality
And lower bass notes in the back of our minds
Dream of alto strings and the gaping chasm
Of a blank orchestra - fell silent
By the felled conductor.

(dissonance

I still wish to hear silence.)

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21 April 2009 @ 02:25 am

Never

Never remember, never forget
Decay into the night life few would regret
Bureaucratic, as always
I'd watch my tongue, he says

If I were you, if I were you
I'd be dead before I flew

Never be done in, never be afraid
Regress, repress and emotions be said
Manipulative, as always
I'd watch my head, he says

If I were you, if I were you
I'd come undone before I'm glued

Never too soon to say what you mean,
Never mind -- just remain unseen
How pathetic, as always
I'd watch more closely, he says

If I were you, if I were you
I'd be free before I knew.

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13 February 2009 @ 08:23 pm

(no subject)

Close to the sun
She sings just softly
Only for me, only for me

Close to her love
She smiles just sweetly
Only for me, only for me

Then ---

Days go by and time's a lie
Close your eyes -- no time to cry
Wither away and left to dry
Close your heart and hope to die

Now ---

Rob me of the sun
But leave the moon in despair
That's what you do to me

Rob me of your love
But stay with me, always
That's what you do to me.

(and still I know not how to leave you.)

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18 October 2008 @ 09:12 pm

(no subject)

On those cold lonely nights
We're by the window
Looking out at the sights
We're just the shadow
Of night and day and perfect grey

And on those cold winter nights
We're lying in bed
Looking at the northern lights
We're just the thread
Of destiny and fate and heaven's gates.

P.S., I whisper, I love you
Though you see me everyday
I constantly have to remind you
That I'm not just a roll in the hay.

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18 October 2008 @ 12:39 am

(no subject)

You know you're infatuated when you can't stop thinking about him.

I keep thinking how it would be like to wake up to this guy every morning. To have my hair ruffled, in a sleepy manner, as he yawns and wishes me good morning. He'd smile at me, a small one; and the sun is up and we're just cuddling in bed. I just want that so badly. It could happen, it might happen.

I just don't know if i'll make a good girlfriend.

I don't know if he'll like kissing me because I'm a bad kisser or if I have bad breath or something.

I don't know if he'll like looking at me because I have a weird lopsided smile and my eyes are way too tiny when I laugh --- I might havea cute nose but that's it. Pimples.

Shit stuff like this keeps popping up into my mind --- shit stuff about where we'd go on a date, what we'd talk about, what things could possibly happen ... when the fact is that we're not even that ... I don't know.

I'm pretty sure he's interested in me in some way or shape or form. You don't just tickle a girl and ruffle her hair because she's a friend. And you certainly don't ... oh god. Getting way ahead of myself.

Point is. I haven't seen him all day. I really miss him.

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13 October 2008 @ 10:08 pm

Alone

I can't tell you
How much I love
The serenity on your face
As you play
A soft song
A melody, beautiful
For my ears
And mine
Alone.

I can't tell you
How much I love
The smile on your face
As you sit beside me
As your fingers play across
The piano
That belongs to us
And us
Alone

I can't tell you
How many times
I still see you
Sitting there
With gentleness
In your eyes
Yet I'm really
Just
Alone.

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08 October 2008 @ 06:21 pm

(no subject)

OH.MY.GOD.

He ruffled my hair. I can't quite believe he did it.

A sign... perhaps..? Lol, wishful thinking.

Still, he makes a nice friend. ^-^

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07 October 2008 @ 09:10 pm

Of Normalcy and Magic 5/? [fic]

FIC AHEAD. WOOT. ( Merlin announced that he had bought earplugs. That was pretty much equivalent to 'I now pronounce you man and husband.' )

Tags: fic, kingdom hearts

a t: Residence

f e e l i n g:

sick

l i s t e n i n g: Daijoubu -- Aki Maeda

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26 September 2008 @ 01:37 am

(no subject)

Glitter
In the rain
He lays and stares
At the cloudy skies
Of eternal blue;
Just like her eyes,
Whispering

There's mud --
And there's falling
From grace
When love's merely a face
Too pretty to look
Too beautiful to break
White lace
Stained with mud

There's mist
In the air
Fogging his glasses
Cloudy; his vision
And --- bones break
The sun
It was too late.

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15 September 2008 @ 10:29 pm

(no subject)

Poetssociety is clogging my f-list!!!

Not that I have many friends. .. a few have added me, I think, to read my poems. Hope they'll stay around, lol.

It's hard to blog here. >_<

I still feel attached to blogspot ....

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15 September 2008 @ 12:14 am

(no subject)

So-- here's the thing. I loved him, I really did.

Sometimes I think he might have liked me back too, if he didn't already have a girlfriend of five years.

Being with him today for awhile just to meet up and chit chat made me fall all over again and it's ridiculous. I'm right beside him, listening to him talk, when all I really wanted to do was just hold his hand. It was so annoying. I don't know if I still love him or if I'm just that desperate for someone to lavish attention on me.

I remember walking beside him and thinking, ah, I remember what it's like to love you.

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14 September 2008 @ 12:29 am

(no subject)

say, the midnight's for dreaming
Oh -- hey, you're not asleep yet
Wake up, you say, I'm leaving
You're at the door, all ready and set

What's the problem? You've stopped
You can leave if you want
Oh -- hey, something dropped
You left it there, your face is gaunt

You say, the dawn's for lovers
It's past our time now
We've never awoken above the covers
Oh -- hey, but what about your vow?

The twillight is for this ---
And I'm not sure what you mean
This last kiss, it could be bliss
Forever you are my queen.

__

five hours and eighteen minutes after you've left, I pick it up. It says,
wake up to the sun in your eyes and you'll find that I'm gone
wake up to the stars in your eyes and you'll find that I'm gone
wake up, wake up, wake up, it's time to leave
time to abandon all and time to free fall.

Tags: poems

f e e l i n g:

melancholy

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05 August 2008 @ 07:53 pm

(no subject)

I don't know what to do with myself.

There is so much hate in me for him and for myself - so much for hate for making me feel this way and to know that this is what governs my emotions towards relationships makes me wonder if I'll ever be a normal girl in a relationship again.

He has moved on, I tell myself, moved on , with your best friend no less, and they are happy together despite everything he's told me and I still feel like strangling something whenever I picture them together doing everything he said he'd do with me.

So if everything is his fault then why do I feel so guilty?

f e e l i n g:

crushed

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01 August 2008 @ 03:20 pm

[fic] Ordo Tredecim

2nd Chapter up! Phew, this was long.

Story : Ordo Tredecim
Chapter : Chapter 2
Pairings : None, as of yet
Genre : Action/Adventure
Summary : It was just a trip to the museum. To do a stupid History project essay thing. Roxas really didn't expect anything out of the ordinary to happen...

( Finally, the trip to the museum - and Roxas loses consciousness? ^-^ )

Prologue Chapter 1

Tags: fic, kingdom hearts

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30 July 2008 @ 10:47 pm

(no subject)

Hate my dad. Hate him hate him hate him hate him hate him hate him.

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30 July 2008 @ 09:04 pm

(no subject)

The thing is -

When you're acting strangely - someone might be able to tell. And even if you don't know why you're acting strangely; someone might be able to tell you.

Someone.

So imagine - you are acting strangely - and no one thinks anything wrong.

And really, it makes you wonder - how much do you matter?

How much of yourself does anyone really, truly know?

a) with this realization, I am happy. My guard is true; my walls solid; no one can see through me. Something's wrong and they don't know it; and I want it to stay that way.

b) with this realization, I am devastated. Everyone I thought I was close to aren't actually the people who know me best. Something's wrong and they don't know it and I don't want it to stay this way.

a or b?

Sigh.

---> is being random. juz ignore the momentary angst.

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27 July 2008 @ 05:18 pm

[fic] Cosplay and Love

New fic! I was at an Anime Festival yesterday in my country (which sucked, but I won't go into that) and this idea popped into my mind.

Title : Cosplay and Love
Status : Oneshot
Pairings : AxelRoxas, implied RikuSora
Rating : PG-13, I suppose
Summary : Roxas. And Cosplay. And meeting other cosplayers - and maybe love?

( Hmm. The sword would have to go in the backseat after all. )

Tags: fic, kingdom hearts

f e e l i n g:

chipper